Dairy 3 "Roseline234"

so today I had to wait an extra hour for the laundry people to deliver my tux, I have always waited for this moment, I actually thought it was going to happen on two different days but dare I say God was on my side which showed once again that I am the good guy in this story. As I knotted my bow tie it reminded me of father’s funeral, I wanted to wear blue but mama thought I should do things the traditional way

 "Black is for mourning and we are mourning your father, this ain’t no hill billy circus convention"

She always found a way to use hill Billy in almost every witty sentence and have it make sense with her good old clean Texas accent, strangely I never picked up the accent, I mean I could bring it out when I really wanted to but it was never part of my usual daily accent. I had never been so confused as they lowered fathers white and gold coffin down the ground in Jack James memorial ground, from the video I looked a confused as a teenager trying to find the porn part of a birthing video, it hurt me to my soul to think i saw it happen, the two bald men that walked up to him in the back yard as he pulled his yams from the ground, they struck with a go-to-hell which got me bothered about were father was gonna end up.

That was six years ago today, luck shined on my when I six month old paper come flying to my phase as I walked the street of Rhode island from the hands of a hobo , it read

“TWO FRIENDS BECOME RABI AND PRIEST ON THE SAME DAY”

Bless sweet baby Jesus it was the two of them, they may have had caps covering their stinking bald head but their eyes, I could see it, those killers looked straight into my eyes from the paper mocking and laughing at every tear, pain and loss me and mama felt since that day. I rushed home like  Mary after she saw the stone rolled away, I have tracked them ever since then, they never stayed in the country long enough for my plan to manifest and the key to my success is patience

But you see when cousin Judith decided to marry and Clement a catholic young man and they could never decide where on whom the wed them, a Rabbi or a priest, this was one of my easiest ones, I just opened an account with bridetobe.com, there is a website for everything these days what ever happened to stuffing your problem inside until they came out the end as a good poop. We talked endlessly about shoes and bags and table cloths if white or off white when with dark blue or navy blue. As I sat through what was not my worst conversation ever; when the time was right I advised her to have a priest and a Rabbi wed her and guess who had one of each in her address book, Roseline234.

The story of the rabbi and the priest was a peculiar one, they both have lived rough lives with drugs women, alcohol; the usual drill until they had a some divine intervention and their soul was saved, that was what the paper read six months ago,.

But it wasn’t their soul wanted.